Scars

Scars. Everyone has them. At some point in our lives we have done something that has been traumatic enough to our skin that it heals over and forms a scar.

Scars are a reminder of what we have been through and what we have endured. I have a scar on my knee from a landscaping wire holding up a freshly planted tree. During a game of hide and seek, I slid behind the tree and right into the wire. Slicing my knee open, I bled everywhere and had to have friends take me up to my parents to get the wound mended. After a few weeks I no longer had an open wound but a scar.

You can create a tall tale based on someone’s visible scars. You see the scars on their face or arm and you create this

elaborate story of what must have taken place to lead to such disfigurement. It may or may not be close to the truth and you may or may not ever find out what the real story is, but the 100% truth is that everyone has scars.

When we picture Jesus, many times we jump to the typical image of a bearded man with long hair standing in a white robe.

Sometimes, we may even picture the wounds or scars he acquired during the crucifixion on his hands, feet and side. This image may come from the

famous painting of Thomas inserting his fingers into the side of Jesus. Whatever you picture Jesus looking like, a few things are certain. First certainty is that none of us really know what Jesus looked like (nor does it really matter). Secondly, Jesus was beaten, broken, killed and raised back to life 3 days after his death to save us from condemnation.

Matthew 27: 26 says “Then he (Pilate) released Barabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged and handed him over to be crucified.”

Further on in chapter 27 verse 30 it says “They (Roman soldiers) spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again.” The whipping and beating Jesus endured before being crucified was more than enough to crush some men. Jesus made it through the flogging to be crucified on the cross. 3 days after his death, Jesus was resurrected.

John 20 shows us the scene of Mary Magdalene, a devout follower of Jesus, going to the tomb where Jesus was buried. She comes to find the tomb is empty. She doesn’t know this yet, but Jesus was resurrected. Jesus comes up to her and says “Woman, why are you crying? Who are you looking for?” Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir if you have carried him away tell me where you have put him and I will get him.” Jesus said to her “Mary” She turned to him and cried out in Aramaic “Rabboni!” Which means teacher.

Aside from the fact that this is such a beautiful moment and a touching moment to say the least, I have found it so interesting that someone who intimately knew Jesus, did not recognize him at first. It could be said that she would have never expected it to be Jesus as she was under the impression he was dead and had been carried off somewhere else…but it’s still intriguing.

Jesus was all God but also all man. He was real flesh that was really beaten and broken and killed. Jesus was also raised from the dead. His physical body was made alive again and he was brought back from death. This truth, combined with the knowledge of his beating he endured has made me wonder; did Mary not recognize Jesus because he was un-recognizable?

The Bible doesn’t address this specifically so this is really speculation, but it could absolutely be the case. In John chapter 20 we see the resurrected Jesus encouraging Thomas to put his fingers in his hands and side to feel the holes where he was pierced. Jesus didn’t appear before his believers after the resurrection as some translucent ghost figure back from the dead to whisper creepy ghostly words of encouragement. Jesus was flesh and blood, killed and brought back to life. The scars Thomas felt were real and were existent because the same body that was crucified was alive and standing in front of him.

If this is the case, imagine how the rest of his body must have looked. Hit repeatedly in the head he could have easily had one of his eyes swollen shut. Cheeks puffed up and bruised; knots and bumps still evident on his brow. Picture his back and arms and side, still bearing the bones underneath. It’s easy to think his closest friends may have not recognized him at first.

Now, 2000 years later, imagine Jesus sitting at the right hand of God. Alive and well, wounds healed over but still there; scarred and raised from the skin. A daily reminder of the sacrifice he made for you and me. Imagine the day when we get to stand before him and the sweet embrace that will take place. He can look at you and say, “I know the pain you have endured.” As he slides his hand up his forehead, pushing back the hair to show the individual scars where the thorns punctured his scalp. He places your hand over his heart to feel the raised scars where the whips stretched over his shoulder into his chest and ripped the flesh from his body.

Scars tell a tale. Scars are a reminder of what we have been through and what we have endured. In Jesus’ case, they aren’t just a reminder for him, but a bridge for us. Something to show us that he knows the physical and emotional struggles we face every day. They are a way for us to relate to him and him to relate to us. He has been here on the earth, completely 100% flesh. He has felt pain; he has felt sadness and anger. But the most important part of this is that the wounds heal. The day that we get to meet with him and see his scars and embrace the man who died for us, is the day that we can move past our own physical and emotional scars; move past the hurt and the things of this world.

As I said, this is all just an illustration. I have no Biblical support to back up this picture I’ve painted. But I’d like to picture Jesus sitting back as he waits for the day we get to be with him, running his hand over each scar and saying, “I know the painyou’re enduring. These wounds were for you.I love you. I can’t wait to be with you."

Stop! Hands up! Surrender!

As my feet halted; legs frozen like tears in winter, I heard those words...

"Stop! Hands up! Surrender!"

I slowly twisted my head around in hopes to get a glimpse of the person who had screamed the words that made my heart jump, my hands cramp and my deep breathing lungs turn silent. I thought to myself,

'If I'm quiet, they won't hear me.'

As the sweat dripped through my already blurry vision, all I could make out was a dark authoritative figure behind a bright flashing light shining in my direction. My fingers slowly curled into a fist while I calmly turned myself back in my original direction; acting as if I was ready to give up. The soft sound of footsteps started behind me, my unknown pursuant starting his ascension.

'One...two...' I counted in my head...'THREE!!!'

I screamed as stored energy turned kinetic and I bolted. My feet had never moved so quickly! In seconds I was already yards away from certain doom. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster almost beating a soundtrack to my footsteps. As I was making my escape, I started to think,

‘Why is he not chasing me? Does he finally realize that there is no use continuing the chase?’

He seemed to be miles away now when I heard the voice, even louder than the first time

"Stop! PLEASE! Surrender!"

These words didn't sound like the words of the figure out to get me... they had a tone of desperation, a sense of sadness. He sounded to almost be sobbing. Catching my curiosity, I turned to look back as I ran for freedom. Before my chin could even touch my shoulder, my foot hooked the root of a tree and I was headed down in flames. My arms stretched out, fingers open and palms ready to eat the road; I prepared for impact. All my 5 senses turned off, the noise of the world stopped, everything was dead silent and seemed to flow in slow motion...then...I hit...But it didn't hurt, I laid there for a minute to regain my composure. As I unlocked my tightly clenched eyes, I looked to my palms and realized they were un-harmed. I checked my knees and shirt, brushing both off with speed and dis-belief. As I started to look up I realized I had been caught by the figure chasing me. But I wasn't caught like captured, or red handed. I had been caught and protected from the fall. He spoke again and said,

“Please surrender, I want so badly to stop chasing you. I want so badly to be with you.”

It's then that I realized the one who had been pursuing me was not after me to punish or hurt me. He was trying to help me. He was the man who died for me years before. The one who longed to be with me, and to share life with me...and this whole time I had been running out of guilt...out of shame and out of FEAR! As I sobbed in his arms, let my guard down and dropped my masculine mask. He again spoke and said,

“This is what it means to surrender..."

Faith

I want a faith that bleeds
that opens up and scars

I want a faith that chokes
that coughs and struggles for air

I want a faith that bruises
that swells and hurts to touch

I want a faith that's abused
I want a faith that takes a beating
I want a faith that is tangible and real
I want a faith that's used and broken but never dies and never quits
I want a faith that will collapse to it's knees with fatigue and pain just to slowly stand back up to its feet, look it's challenger in the face and say in a Kris Kristofferson tone... "Is that the best you can do?"

All Points Bulletin!!!

CALLING ALL CARS! CALLING ALL CARS! WE HAVE AN APB FOR A CAUCASIAN MALE, WHITE HAIR, LONG WHITE BEARD, WEARING A WHITE ROBE AND SANDALS. RESPONDS TO THE NAME FATHER, ABBA OR GOD.

To many people (especially White America) this can be a picture perfect explanation of who they know God to be.

I recently started reading The Shack; this exact issue has been the cause of controversy among some Christians and confusion among some non-Christians. In the novel, God presents himself to the protagonist Mack as a large black woman named Elousia or as Mack uncomfortably refers to her, "Papa". Some Christians have a very hard time with this interpretation because they know God only as they have known him for most of their lives; a larger than life, grandpa/wizard figure with the power to judge and to create.

At the same time, some non-Christians are being led in strange directions taking this story for 100% fact and gaining an in-correct view that God is what you want it to be, and that's based on what you want to perceive God as and God could in fact be a female.

I want to preface the rest of this writing with this...I fully believe that scripture is correct and God is in our best understanding of the word, a man. This is not a misogynistic view I developed in childhood, this is me supporting scripture that from the very start refers to God as "He". However, I don't disagree with the author portraying God as a large black woman who loves to bake and talk.

I believe that as followers of Christ, we need to be careful not to lead someone who doesn't know Jesus down an odd and confusing path of an ambiguous God. I feel that certain people should refrain or be very careful before reading a book like this because I think that anyone Christian or non could take this text and look into it a number of different ways. I also, however, feel that as followers of Christ, we can't limit God or put him in a box.

In the story, God presents himself as a large black woman to a man who had an abusive father growing up. Macks character struggles with the idea of a father being loving or supportive. His dad was an alcoholic and an abuser and his only experience with a Dad figure is negative. God presents himself to Mack as a large black woman to help Mack let down his guard; to enter into a relationship with him on a level that Mack can deal with and open up to.

When God appeared to Moses as a burning bush, do we as Christians jump to offense to say, "God is not a bush!"? No. We know that God is not foliage. God chose to present himself to Moses in a way that would get his attention and break through to reach Moses and demonstrate his power. I feel that God has presented himself to me through financial stress. This doesn't mean that God is a financial burden, it means that through this stress, God reveals himself to me. God continually breaks down the walls that we build to keep him out. He penetrates through the garbage that surrounds our hearts and our lives that keeps us from him. For me, I was having more faith in financial security than God. He needed to break me down and through financial stress, I've been reminded of his love and his faithfulness to me.

When God became flesh and came to earth as Jesus Christ he did so not just to act as the ultimate sacrifice for sin, he did so not just to fulfill the law, but he did so to meet people in their situation where they were at. He could have come to the earth as anything but he did so as a man to relate to people and to be tangible and real. He became a real figure that common people could understand and be with.

In a sense, God could be your neighbor. I'm not implying that your neighbor is God, but what I mean is God could be anyone you encounter. Matthew 25:40 says...

"Jesus will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

God could be the widow whose lawn you mowed, God could be the Latino guy down the street who you helped tow his car. God could be the orphaned child whom you paid to get immunizations.

God cannot be limited nor can we expect to harness even a fraction of what he is capable of or what he does daily to dip into our lives and give us an opportunity to trust him, to love him, and to serve him.

I have yet to finish The Shack so I can't give my full and honest opinion yet. However, I can say that recently God as presented himself to me as a novel; a fictional story that has reminded me that his love for us is beyond measure and understanding and his desire for a relationship with us is truly what our faith in him is all about. No gimmicks, no super religious law, just an honest to goodness reciprocated relationship from a parent to a child.

Hope For All

I commonly post blogs either during or after reading a really good book. This blog is no different.

I just finished the book "Red Letters: Living a Faith That Bleeds" by Tom Davis and although it wasn't exactly what I expected, it was a really great read.

In the book, Tom challenges readers to live out the "red letters" in the New Testament. The red letters are the words Jesus spoke that have been hi-lighted in red throughout the 4 gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) His point is to take Jesus seriously and literally when it comes to a call to care for others; He wants to see people get socially active as Jesus instructs. Tom's main point of focus in the book was Africa.

Africa is a continent of lush terrain, beautiful deserts and amazing wildlife. Africa is rich in culture and history, however, Africa is at risk of losing everything. Due to the HIV/AIDS epidemic (which has actually been labeled as a Pandemic; an even larger and more severe problem than an epidemic) Africa is losing a war to an enemy we can help fight. Not only are we called to help as people, but as Christians, followers of Christ, we should be even more eager and more willing to help as we have been instructed by our King.

Matthew 25:35-40: "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Jesus tells us in this passage that he is the poor and the needy. When we serve our fellow man, we serve Jesus. Many of us would quickly drop whatever we are doing for an opportunity to physically serve Jesus (wash his feet, give him a drink, etc.) but it can be difficult to find the motivation to do something for someone we feel we don't know that lives half way across the globe.

I don't think that we are called to sell everything we own and give all our money to those in need, but I do feel that we have the ability to do something. Lots of people give and lots of people help in different ways. Not all of us are called to give to the situation in Africa, not all of us are called to physically serve over seas. But we are called as Christians to take care of those and fight for those who don't have the ability to fight for themselves.

This fight doesn't have to involve packing up and flying to Africa tonight (but as Tom Davis said, if that's what God calls you to then go for it!) It doesn't even have to mean a financial donation; it could simply mean starting with prayer. It might mean that next time you go to buy an iPod or Starbucks gift card, you purchase a (RED) sponsored product which sends a portion of the money spent towards HIV/AIDS relief. The main point here is not to do something outside your capability, but to simply do something. It's time to get off the sidelines and play.

I know salvation is not based on works or actions, but in the end, I still don't want to have to account for the loss of human life because I was selfish or greedy with my time and money.

This blog isn't intended to be some "Peace and Love, save the planet" type of soap box declaration. But I just wanted to take some time to share where I'm at what I've been reading. Ultimately it's got to be a decision from within to get active and help in some way. I'm currently not even sure in what manner my family or myself will get involved; I'm currently waiting and praying to see what that looks like, but, if you decide you have some interest and want to look into what can be done, I've listed some sites where you can start to get active.

http://www.fivefor50.com/

http://www.joinred.com/Home.aspx

http://one.org/us/

A Call To Arms

we
we are
we are in the golden age of deceit
we are the future... we are the past and we are the present
we are the here and now
we are the children born into a generation driven by lust, greed and hatered
we are the sons and daughters of "i want it now"ism and instant gratification
we are guiltless, shamelss, tired and blameless
however...
we are not alone
we are in this together
we are the hands that can tear down this black city
we are the foundation on which the new kingdom will be built
we are the children of rescue, salvage and truth
we are the dawn of a new day
we can stand and fight; we are stronger
we are patiently waiting, loving not hating
we are the revolution
we are...I am...
you

Where I'm At...

After probably over a year of really pursuing law enforcement and even longer than that wanting to be a part of law enforcement, I've come to a place where I'm not really sure if that's where God wants me.

I've wanted to be a police officer partly for the experience (it always seemed fascinating), partly for the pay (not having a college degree it seems like a decent way to make over $40k a year), partly for the freedom (working three 12's and having between 3 to 4 days off a week seems awesome), and also to accomplish my goals (Tonya staying home, buying a house, etc)

But the more I listen to God and the more I really think about my motives. I feel like they might be really selfish. I'm not saying that I will never pursue law enforcement or that I am never going to be called to that area. But I feel like God doesn't want me there right now.

I realized that if I get into a career that pays me $50k a year, allows me to buy a home and keep Tonya from working, that I will at that point no longer be listening to what God wants for my life. I will be in the job that I will have deemed as my final place. The job I will stay and retire from. If in the middle of all that God called me to plant a church or give up the job and pursue ministry, I can honestly say it would be a slim chance that I would want to give all that up to follow his will.

I'm starting to feel that maybe the reason I'm in a job that I'm not sure where I'm headed or the reason that I have spent the majority of my adult life wondering "where do I fit in" is because God has not placed me where I need to be yet. He has me in a position that is extremely easy to give up so that I will not only be constantly listening for where he wants to put me, but be ready when the time comes to make the move to where I need to be.

I don't know where I am going to be next month and maybe God does want me in Boulder County, but for now, I feel like he is telling me to wait on him, teaching me to be faithful even when income is down and showing me that I can be more satisfied serving him than serving my worldly desires and goals.

A true man is not someone who can provide for his family 100% all the time without testing, or buy them a house, or own the newest vehicle. A true man is someone who can patiently wait on the Lord and be ready to act at a moments notice when he is called.

As time goes by...

Blake just celebrated his first birthday and I can't believe a year has gone by so quickly. My parents used to always tell me that the older I got, the faster time went by. I didn't believe them as you never truly believe anything your parents say no matter how wise and or relevant it may seem. But it's true. I've been married for over 2 years, work full time and now have a 1 year old son and I have to sit and wonder...where did the time go?

It sounds so cliche, but it literally seems like just yesterday my voice was changing and I was getting my first hair on my chin. Now here I stand with a wife, a son and bills up to my eyes. I'm gaining weight and losing hair and can't help but think how quickly my mid-to-late twenties are going to pass by.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade what I have for the world. I love my Tonya and Blake and am so happy to have started my family. But if I could do it over again, there are some things I would change.

College never seemed like the right thing for me, and sometimes I still don't think it is. However, the lack of a degree doesn't seem to bother me as much as the lack of completion. Granted I probably won't make as much money as someone who has a bachelors degree and I'm guaranteed to not be qualified for 50% or more of the jobs out there (this idea still somewhat haunts me), but I still think what bothers me most is that I didn't have the motivation or determination to get out there and finish school. My generation seems to be on the line between seeing a need for college and seeing a need for freedom. I am one of those people still stuck with 2 major life choices crushing in on either side of me. Regardless, if I could go back and do it again...a 4 year degree would have been my choice.

If I could go back to sophomore year of high school and sit back down in the weight room where I began to workout at 15 years old. I would have pushed myself to stick with it; to not give up and not quit; to make a choice then, that would benefit me years down the road for the sake of feeling better and for the longevity of life with my family.

There are so many things that I look back on and think, "Why couldn't I have enjoyed that more?" or "Why did I have to make that decision?". But when it's all said and done, there's nothing that can be done to change the past. All I can do is look forward. Time will fly by no matter what, poor choices will be made constantly, but through it all I'm still here living my life now with the people I love.

God has blessed me with a family who loves me. Some I have known all my life, some I have inherited through marriage and 1 in particular I helped to create. Time goes by so quickly and there seems to be so many things I wish I could do over, but if all I do is spend time wishing I could have back the time that has flown by, I will miss out on the time I have ahead.

My life may not be perfect, and my early thirties will be here before I know it but I'm so happy to know that I will be sharing this time with the ones I love and taking advantage of every moment possible so ten years from now when I am thirty four I can look back and say.."Not bad Chris...not bad at all."

Classical Music

As I sit and listen to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's "Rondo Alla Turca", I feel inspired and energized. I spent 4 years of my life playing the viola but never cared much for classical music. It always seemed so boring and the songs were WAY too long. However, now, I really do love it.

It's truly amazing to be able to hear music that was composed a few hundred years ago. It's like being in a history class or hopping in a time machine and it's so interesting when you think that you are hearing music that's now considered classical but at one point in time was cutting edge and new to the world. The notes fall on our ears and evoke the same feelings and emotions the way it did for someone fortunate enough to hear live music in the mid 1700's. Classical music tells a story. Whether it was intended to or not, I always feel that I'm listening to an epic tale being told from 1st hand experience. Each note and phrase, every crescendo is soaked with the passion and intensity of the composer; someone who poured his life into his music and was making music for the beauty of music, not for the big bucks and celebrity status.

Music is timeless. Mozart created his music with intention and passion. The classical time period didn't pop out musicians and "pop stars" a dozen a week. You couldn't take a handsome man or a pretty girl and throw them behind a piano and tell them to compose a big hit. Musicians were inspired and gifted beyond understanding.

All this being said, next time you choose (or have no choice) to listen to classical music, don't let it slowly blend into the background noise of the day, but let every note sink into your heart. Allow your self to close your eyes and drift back to a time when music wasn't just something to fill in the silence. Take a step back in time and enjoy the music that has inspired generations for centuries.

Community, Passion and Intimacy; The Desire of A Generation

I'm currently reading "The Emerging Church" by Dan Kimball and I am loving it. The book is a guide to creating a service and a mind set geared towards the post-christian nation we now live in. It helps you to re-think the way you have thought about ministry and it helps you to re-learn what you have learned about the church; not in an un-biblical way, but in a way that challenges you and sparks excitement and creativity to serve God and others.

I think what I love most about this book is that it re-enforces these feelings that I have had about the church and ministry for some time now.

I have had this desire to connect with the Jewish roots of Christianity and discover what has led us to where we are. I have wanted to create a service that honors God and the sacred holiness of his presence rather than honoring the ideas of the contemporary mind. In no way am I upset with where the church has gone or what it is doing; I am just a man in need of something more, something deeper, something raw and real and mysterious. This book focuses on all of these ideas and affirms that God did not just make me different. He didn't just create this desire in me to feel like I am out of place. he has put this desire on the hearts of many people in my age group and beyond.

People desire to have the mystery and tradition found in the Bible. They want to know that God is the holiest of holys. They want to feel that they are a part of something that has been taking place for thousands of years. This is why it is important to bring a sense of intimacy and respect back into our services. I feel that God is leading a generation of leaders who will begin the first phase in a return to intimate services filled with community, passion and intimacy.

A Renewed Trust

Election time has finally come and gone. I myself am beyond ready for it to be over with. Political campaigning and mudslinging everywhere you look; emails that declare Obama's link to terror and Satan himself; political satire focusing on McCains old age or his running mates ability to fire a gun. It's all been so overdone and run into the ground and personally, I feel I can finally breathe again.

Regardless of McCain's or Obama's shortcomings or political views, we as a nation have lost sight of our true leader...God. I understand that we live in a post-christian nation and Christianity is no longer the main faith of choice. However, for those of us who do turn toward the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; For those of us who believe whole heartedly that Jesus Christ came and died on a cross for our sins; For those of us who put our trust and our hope in a God who created everything in 6 days; we of all people should believe that God is in control. No matter who sits at the head of the nation, God sits at the head of everything. He alone can make or break this entire nation with just a single breath.

If our leader turns out to deceive the world and begins the start of Revelation, then so be it. Who are we to question Gods perfect plan. If he turns out to be the best leader this country has seen in decades, then so be it, he is again part of Gods perfect plan. Whatever the case may be, God is not caught off guard nor is there any way to prevent or dismiss the fact that the will of God will be carried out no matter who sits in office.

I don't know what the next 4 years are going to look like. I can't say they will be good or bad. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Everything could stop now as I write this and there would be nothing we could do because we aren't in control. As Christians who either support or oppose Barack Obama, it is our duty to pray for our leadership that they will make sound decisions and guide us correctly. For those who oppose him for his past or what he may stand for, remember the strength and the heart of God can penetrate anyone. Remember Paul was the furthest thing from a disciple of Christ until he truly encountered God. If you support our future leader then pray that he will lead this country back into a humble nation who seeks God, if you oppose him, pray that God will work in his life and the life of all who follow God to trust in the Lord and know that his plans are bigger than we can fathom.

"In you Lord my God, I put my trust. I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me."

Psalm 25:1-2

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."

Proverbs 3:5

Land of the Free, Home of the Brave

As we rapidly approach November and election day, I sit and think about the position of President of The United States. The title has such a sense of pride and honor. The man who holds that position is the leader of a free nation that sacrificed so much for the rights to be free.

The men who founded this country did so out of respect for a new way of life. They valued freedom and liberty more than money and security. They respected each other and worked together to create a new nation that was not only formed for total liberation and the rights of the people, but also formed under an attitude of submission to God.

I see commercials on a daily basis that are your standard "mud slinging" ads directed toward anyone who differs in opinion for the attacker. I can't help but wonder...what would the leaders of the past think of all of this.

I'm no history major and I can't say exactly how campaigning went in the late 1700's. But I can say the men that ran were men of respect, valor and integrity. What happened to the days when you could look to your president as a fearless leader, an honest individual whose only interest was the growth and prosperity of the nation...not their own pocket or agenda.

I know I wasn't around for the Battle at Valley Forge. I didn't hear the eloquent words of The Emancipation Proclamation. I didn't witness the creation and signing of the Declaration of Independence. I can't claim that the politicians of the past were perfect men, but I can admit that I miss the respect I used to have for our leaders. I want that boyish adoration I used to have when sitting in history class listening to the stories of men who united together to create one nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all.

Truth Vs. Logic

This will most likely be my only "rant" I ever post on this blog site. I'm not some hippie activist, nor am I a political revolutionary trying to take a big stand against something. However, I am a guy who feels like taking a moment to address something.

I'm sure you have seen the truth about smoking commercials. Usually it involves some hugely overblown public display of death and or destruction which represents the wages of smoking tobacco. From a street littered with body bags to the more recent animated musicals. These commercials are informing the world of the dangers and risks of smoking.

News Flash: Everyone already knows about the dangers and risks of smoking. Running a commercial that lists an astronomical number of deaths caused by smoking tobacco seems like the biggest waste of time an money. People who smoke and people who don't smoke know that tobacco is the leading cause of lung cancer. I understand that these commercials are ran by "big tobacco" as a way of saying "look, we're doing our best to inform people of the dangers of smoking", but couldn't that money and energy be used in a better way?

How about rather than spending millions of dollars on an ad campaign that informs us of the obvious, we take that money and spend it on addiction research and quitting assistance. Use that money to create support centers and institutions that help people quit smoking. Or, spend the money to feed people who are starving in 3rd world countries, provide water for people who have none, pay to clothe those who who sit shirtless in the middle of winter. Unlike people who know the consequences of smoking and still continue to do it, help people who are dying due to reasons outside of their own control.

In no way am I saying that people who smoke deserve what they get. My grandpa Bud died from complications that ultimately came from smoking. I have all the compassion in the world for people who are suffering sickness from smoking. But these people are addicted to a substance just like a heroin addict or a coffee addict and they need help to break the addiction. All I'm saying is rather than spending tons of money and energy on a campaign that informs people of the obvious, direct the funds elsewhere to something that could be more useful in saving lives.

Here we stand at the end of my rant. I promise to never get too opinionated again. =)

Long Distance Relationships Never Last

As I sit quietly at work waiting for the next phone call, I begin to think. I have a lot of time to think. Especially at work between 7am and 9am when it's a little slow and there's not a lot of people in yet. As of lately I have been pondering my relationship with God.

Since Blake was born, I have felt the furthest away from God in a long time. I know that seems strange but it's true. I haven't been in the word, I've barely been keeping a prayer life and I just feel like God and I are old buddies who used to hang out. It seems that after having a son and being witness to Gods care and detail in creating my son that I should draw even closer to him but for seem reason I have just been "too busy".

When I think of it in terms of myself being a dad, it really hits closer to home. Since Blake has been born, all I want is for him to see me and be happy. I want to know him better and I want him to be close to me, I want him to know me and desire to be with me. Its' the same with our heavenly father. That closeness that I desire with Blake is the same thing God wants from us. And here I am, breaking Gods heart. It's not that I don't want to spend time with God, it's just that I've been lazy.

I'm not waiting until I "feel like" getting back into the word. I'm not waiting until I "feel like" I need him in my life. I need him now. I need him more than ever to guide me as a parent and a husband. My family cannot afford to have me sit on the spiritual sidelines and let my relationship with God turn into a long distance relationship. I'm making the change today to get back to where I need to be and to set an example for my son.

Becoming A Father & Learning To Be A Dad

On July 6, 2008 I became a father. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget. Seeing my son for the first time was so awesome! I had been imagining what he might look like for 8 months and to finally see his face was so in-describable. I love him so much and creating a family has brought Tonya and I even closer.

I'm not going to lie, it has been a strange adjustment putting a childs needs before my own. Letting dinner get cold and eating it an hour after I made it because he is crying and hungry too is something I never really thought about. I have gotten frustrated a few times during the night when he won't sleep and it sucks. I never thought I would get frustrated at all. I expected myself to be the perfect father.

As I have been talking to Tonya about it I have kind of come to the realization that the reason I am getting frustrated sometimes is because I am being a father...not a dad.

I've seen those cheesy commercials about how anyone can be a father but it takes a man to be a dad and I used to laugh because it seemed so goofy, but it is so true. It's easy to father a child, but being a dad takes work. I love Blake with all my heart and I want him to know that every single day that I am alive. I'm starting to make that transition from father, to dad.

I need a P.H.D. in Faith

As the high school seniors graduated this past month, I started thinking about my own future "after high school". I have done some classess at the community college and I am actually only a few classes shy of an A.A. degree. But I still wonder, what am I going to do?

I really want to be a pastor and work in the church. I feel this is what God has called me to do. But I feel like I am lacking the training and ability. I keep in the back of my mind that "God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called"; but that is so hard to believe when all I can think about is the B.A. in theology I don't have, or even the A.A. I failed to finish and receive. I know I'm still young and have a lot of opportunity to finish school, but between my wife, the college group, work, social life and a baby on the way...I'm finding that finishing school is on the top of my to-do list, but the bottom of my priority list.

I would love to just quit working for a few years and go full time to school for a degree that will help me pursue ministry as a career, but that's not going to happen. My main fear is this; without a degree, what edge do I have over the competition? It sounds silly because we aren't talking about the cut throat corporate world...we're talking about ministry, pastoring a group of people who desire to grow in their relationship with God. My qualifications and edge should lie in my calling. It should rest in the hands of the powerful God who will put me in a church that can take care of my needs and allow me to creatively bring his word to others. Still, there is part of me that feels my calling will not be enough when asked "what are your qualifications?"

I know that I need to have faith but I feel that my fear is justified. I have been brought up in a world that teaches you that you must prove your worth, a world that says you are not good enough until you follow our rules. However, the one thing I keep coming back to is that God is amazing in ability and strength. In a world where you must prove your worth through education, college degrees, and posessions, God has come to say "You don't need to prove anything to me, your faith is enough" I have to fall back on the faith that if I believe God wants me to teach, then I need to believe he can make it happen, no matter what schooling I do or do not have.

The disciples were fisherman and tax collectors, Paul was a christian persecutor. God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called...something I need to learn to live by every day of my life.

Burning in Boulder

This past weekend (the 30th and 31st) I was a part of a 28 hour non stop prayer and worship event called The Burn that took place at my church. I was not there for the full 28 hours, however the time that I did take part in The Burn, was amazing. The lights were out, the candles were glowing, the music was playing and God was moving. I feel that Boulder has been totally looked at as a lost cause by a lot of churches. Satan knows that and it has become his playground to twist and warp the truth and freedom that God can give.

I think Boulder hasn't had something like this take place in a long time. The enemy was caught off guard and didn't know what to expect when a small church in Boulder, worshiped and prayed for 28 hours continually. I could tell that something was different when I came to church on Sunday. It felt better, it felt free and clean. Satan was totally re-arranged and didn't even see it coming.

I'm not saying that all of a sudden, Boulder will be known as a "christian area" filled with believers, but I do think that no matter what happens from here on out, we shook the foundations of Hell, knocked down some walls and disrupted a lot of plans. And I plan on continuing to do this in Boulder for a long time.

To check out more on The Burn, head to their website or myspace page.
www.burn24-7.com
www.myspace.com/theburndenver

In the beginning...

This is my first of many writings here. I'm kind of learning about myself lately; discovering who I am, what's important to me, what I value, and who I want to become. This blog will be a window into my life as I struggle to start up a college ministry in Boulder and take on the challenges of being a husband, a new dad, and a man after God's heart. Hopefully I can share a little bit of my own personal experience.

-Chris