Long Distance Relationships Never Last

As I sit quietly at work waiting for the next phone call, I begin to think. I have a lot of time to think. Especially at work between 7am and 9am when it's a little slow and there's not a lot of people in yet. As of lately I have been pondering my relationship with God.

Since Blake was born, I have felt the furthest away from God in a long time. I know that seems strange but it's true. I haven't been in the word, I've barely been keeping a prayer life and I just feel like God and I are old buddies who used to hang out. It seems that after having a son and being witness to Gods care and detail in creating my son that I should draw even closer to him but for seem reason I have just been "too busy".

When I think of it in terms of myself being a dad, it really hits closer to home. Since Blake has been born, all I want is for him to see me and be happy. I want to know him better and I want him to be close to me, I want him to know me and desire to be with me. Its' the same with our heavenly father. That closeness that I desire with Blake is the same thing God wants from us. And here I am, breaking Gods heart. It's not that I don't want to spend time with God, it's just that I've been lazy.

I'm not waiting until I "feel like" getting back into the word. I'm not waiting until I "feel like" I need him in my life. I need him now. I need him more than ever to guide me as a parent and a husband. My family cannot afford to have me sit on the spiritual sidelines and let my relationship with God turn into a long distance relationship. I'm making the change today to get back to where I need to be and to set an example for my son.

Becoming A Father & Learning To Be A Dad

On July 6, 2008 I became a father. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget. Seeing my son for the first time was so awesome! I had been imagining what he might look like for 8 months and to finally see his face was so in-describable. I love him so much and creating a family has brought Tonya and I even closer.

I'm not going to lie, it has been a strange adjustment putting a childs needs before my own. Letting dinner get cold and eating it an hour after I made it because he is crying and hungry too is something I never really thought about. I have gotten frustrated a few times during the night when he won't sleep and it sucks. I never thought I would get frustrated at all. I expected myself to be the perfect father.

As I have been talking to Tonya about it I have kind of come to the realization that the reason I am getting frustrated sometimes is because I am being a father...not a dad.

I've seen those cheesy commercials about how anyone can be a father but it takes a man to be a dad and I used to laugh because it seemed so goofy, but it is so true. It's easy to father a child, but being a dad takes work. I love Blake with all my heart and I want him to know that every single day that I am alive. I'm starting to make that transition from father, to dad.